i remember we were driving in your car speed so fast felt like i was drunk city lights lay out before us and your arms felt nice around my shoulders and i had a feeling that i belonged

i wish i remembered this photographer. most of these pics are by one guy but i didnt note down his name. all i remember is he is spanish

so these pictures made me think of the tracy chapman song fast car. its a song about wanting so desperately to escape as a teenager and finding that one person who makes you feel you belong and can be anything you wanna be. and then reaching that point again when youre older and settled. i think im a bit of a traveller. im not a very homely person, i love going to interesting places and doing new things. i just wanna explore. but instead im stuck here doing A levels. im so impatient. i just wanna leave and fall in love but neither is gonna be happening just yet. patience patience. 

tell them all i know now, shout it from the rooftops, write it on the skyline: ALL WE HAD IS GONE NOW

i think im going crazy. im sitting her desperate for a wee and listening to old rihanna songs. i really need to get to sleep. im working all week coz im on holiday and  want money. boys boys boys. its annoying coz atm my friends are all over the world so the only people to hang out with are random guys i know. i love being the only girl in a group. its probably coz im so fucking attention seeking.

talking about boys i watched THE most amazing film in the world. if you like indie films (or indie music; the soundtrack is amazing), you'll love this. its called submarine and yeah its like a year old already but as usual im behind the times. its so clever and thought provoking. and its set in wales. i love watching a film thats british and its so well down. im very proud. night x

his face in my dreams seizes my guts, he floods me with dread, soaked in soul, he swims in my eyes by the bed, poured myself over him, moon spilling in, and i wake up alone

i love amy winehouse. she gets loneliness. the title lyric is from her song wake up alone. i dunnno why im bathing myself in misery when im in a really good mood. had a great night last night even though im ill but i still hate waking up alone. i love having someone there to cuddle up to when i wake up and just talk about our wierd dreams and joke about snoring and dribbling in your sleep. yes these are the reasons i hate sleeping alone. hey the one good thing about sleeping alone is not getting woken up by a boner pressed against you. lets be grateful for the small things in life.  

you wont find him drinking at the tables, rolling dice or staying out til three you wont ever find him being unfaithful.. you will find him next to me

its amazing how each summer seems to change me. i dunno why im thinking bout this now but i am. summer is just a time to experiment. this summer i decided not to be shy and to be very open about everything. i just thought i wanna see if people will like me when im truly myself and i dont hold back. so i was loud, honest, carefree and experimental. its strange now looking back on that coz in school im so introverted but i have a video from the summer and im so off my head. i did alot of things i look back on and think what the fuck? i used to sit in the middle of the main road just to feel alive. then i met a boy who just came out of nowhere. id never felt so comfortable with a guy. i just let him in completely. its amazing how stupid you can be. like i smoked all of summer and it didnt even occur to me that i was getting addicted. same with this guy, i fell for him so bad that i didnt even realise that i didnt even like him. i look at him now and im like whats wrong with you rebecca?! hes so not my type. hes a closed off guy, hes not confident, cares so much about his image and what people think, he treated me like shit and has no respect for people. the only thing i really like about him is that he was amazing in bed. i cant believe i just opened up to him and let him in. i guess ive learnt so many lessons from it so i dont regret it. i just hate the fact that hes still around judging me for the things i do and giving his opinion. i dont really speak to him anymore but because we have friends in common i get to hear about him.

btw update for those of you who have read my previous posts, if you read this post, i have decided not to smoke and i feel so much better for it. it was definitely the right decision, i really dont need the addiction right now. also if you read this post and this post im really unsure about this boy now. i think im just gonna go with it and not think about it. its just hes really really into me and well i cant even look at him. damn this is the problem with a friends with benefits situation. someone always seems to get hurt and its not gonna be me. i feel abit shit about it but what the fuck else should i do?

he holds me in his big arms drunk and i am seeing stars... this is all i think of

so if you read my last post youll know that i didnt know if to get with this new boy. i was just so confused as to what my next move should be. but thankfully i got with him and it wasnt really a mistake. man i needed that. i dunno what i want to happen. im sure he wants to be fuck buddies but i dont really want that with him.i dont mind getting with him every now and again but i dont get on with him so well and he wasnt that good. i just want a boy who has amazing technique.oh well a girl can dream