when youre feeling down and your sky is grey and the people that you love well they have nothing lovely to say..

this is such a random load of pictures but i like them. ah how could i resist some skins pics?! 

i drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door.. ive had you so many times but somehow i want more

its funny how the music im into reflects my mood. each month i'll make a playlist of all my favourite songs that month, mainly house stuff, and this month its just all really chilled music not much lyrics or anything but like toned down, simple tunes. i guess my life is complicated enough i just want simple music.

ahh im just chilling to the music and getting ready for a truly shit weekend. ahh i love that pic, its the 6th one down and it says 'sometimes the people you expect to kick you when youre down are the ones who help you back up.' i so get that right now. its like the people you expect to be there for you arent and the people you hadnt even thought about turning to actually really help. two random friends messaged me today both out of the blue and you know what its just so nice to chat. im such a sociable person and i feel like the depression tries to suck that out of me but im fighting back! even though all i want is to be alone i know it actually makes me worse.

i know what its like to wanna die, how it hurts to smile, how you try to fit in but you cant, how you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside

so yeah if youve read all these pictures ive posted youll realise im going through a pretty shit time at the moment. ive always found it hard to deal with exams but now coz its my last lot the pressures really on  and i feel so ill from it. on top of that the few friends i used to hang out with have left me. one of best friends just dropped me like that. boys hate me right now.

when i was finding pictures for this post i realised that most of the pictures were in black and white and thats what depression feels like. just emptiness. you forget what its like to be happy and when you do remind yourself of when you used to be happy you just cry because youre so different from that girl. last night i was with some girls and i was laughing and i couldnt remember the last time id really laughed. it was wierd being with people. im all alone everyday all day.

im just writing this and crying. i wish there was something i could take to numb the pain but i have exams i cant indulge like that. i just dont have the time. and fuck antidepressants they just make me worse. im just going au natural.

its hard when everything falls apart at once. both my social life and my school life is horrible. you know what i was remembering the other day.. last summer when i was with this boy and he just made me feel so carefree and whole and safe. i havent felt that in a long long time. i miss people giving a shit about me. i just want something to start going right. anything. but im gonna get my hopes up coz its got worse even when i thought it couldnt.