his face in my dreams seizes my guts, he floods me with dread, soaked in soul, he swims in my eyes by the bed, poured myself over him, moon spilling in, and i wake up alone

i love amy winehouse. she gets loneliness. the title lyric is from her song wake up alone. i dunnno why im bathing myself in misery when im in a really good mood. had a great night last night even though im ill but i still hate waking up alone. i love having someone there to cuddle up to when i wake up and just talk about our wierd dreams and joke about snoring and dribbling in your sleep. yes these are the reasons i hate sleeping alone. hey the one good thing about sleeping alone is not getting woken up by a boner pressed against you. lets be grateful for the small things in life.  

you wont find him drinking at the tables, rolling dice or staying out til three you wont ever find him being unfaithful.. you will find him next to me

its amazing how each summer seems to change me. i dunno why im thinking bout this now but i am. summer is just a time to experiment. this summer i decided not to be shy and to be very open about everything. i just thought i wanna see if people will like me when im truly myself and i dont hold back. so i was loud, honest, carefree and experimental. its strange now looking back on that coz in school im so introverted but i have a video from the summer and im so off my head. i did alot of things i look back on and think what the fuck? i used to sit in the middle of the main road just to feel alive. then i met a boy who just came out of nowhere. id never felt so comfortable with a guy. i just let him in completely. its amazing how stupid you can be. like i smoked all of summer and it didnt even occur to me that i was getting addicted. same with this guy, i fell for him so bad that i didnt even realise that i didnt even like him. i look at him now and im like whats wrong with you rebecca?! hes so not my type. hes a closed off guy, hes not confident, cares so much about his image and what people think, he treated me like shit and has no respect for people. the only thing i really like about him is that he was amazing in bed. i cant believe i just opened up to him and let him in. i guess ive learnt so many lessons from it so i dont regret it. i just hate the fact that hes still around judging me for the things i do and giving his opinion. i dont really speak to him anymore but because we have friends in common i get to hear about him.

btw update for those of you who have read my previous posts, if you read this post, i have decided not to smoke and i feel so much better for it. it was definitely the right decision, i really dont need the addiction right now. also if you read this post and this post im really unsure about this boy now. i think im just gonna go with it and not think about it. its just hes really really into me and well i cant even look at him. damn this is the problem with a friends with benefits situation. someone always seems to get hurt and its not gonna be me. i feel abit shit about it but what the fuck else should i do?

but hold your breathe because tonight will be the night that i will fall for you over again

i love close ups. they just show u these cool details like the pic of the girl with the tattooed neck. im in love with those tattoos

if love is just a game then how come its no fun.. if love is just a game how come ive never won?

im in a good mood so im listening to noah and the whale. their first album peaceful the world lays us down is one of my favourite albums in the world. it always makes me happy. their second album is one of the best albums ever written about heartbreak. i always listen to that to get me through shit times. its amazing how someone can put into words how your feeling. i find language can be so limiting so its amazing when someone makes sense of it all and explains the things you cant. 

you make me want to sing about love everytime i raise my head

normally i think pictures say so much but i love words. something said can be interpreted in so many ways. these are pics that i saw and either made me smile or made me think or took my breath away.