you know why i dont tell people what im really ill with? coz they dont understand. they dont understand what depression even is and lucky them for not knowing. and they kind of blame you for it like you should just look on the positive side of things and it'll all be alright. and thats the worse coz then it makes me start blaming myself for the way i feel. whether its my fault or not doesnt matter, blaming myself makes it so awful. if i cant even trust myself who can i trust?
thats why i loved skins. coz every person on that programme was depressed and were trying to escape. i get it. i want out. i know in 6 weeks time my exams will be over and i'll feel a lot better but until then im just gonna have to find ways to cope. how the fuck am i gonna do an exam?
do you know what i realised? i havent been crying so much. like in the last week i havent been crying every day and when i do cry its not hysterical. things are going well! its good no one reads this blog so i dont feel bad about depressing any readers.