im here without you baby but youre still on my lonely mind i think about you baby and i dream about you all the time

so im feeling so much better. i had my two exams that i was dreading the most and they went pretty well. i mean i definitely havent got A's but im pretty hopeful that ive passed.

haha just listening to some avril lavigne, ahh reminds me of being young and not having any problems.

there is of course a skins picture but its effy smiling!! what a comodity. also the picture saying 'if its meant to be it will be' is my new background. its so true and beautiful. 

i learnt to live half alive and now you want me one more time.. who do you think you are?

i watch 90210 every week but ive never been into it that much. why do i even watch it?! well anyway i found some cool pics from it and yes im sitting here casually shitting raindows. what is it with shitting?! in my last post theres a pic in 500 days of summer about shitting as well. and on that lovely note byeee

i know what its like to wanna die, how it hurts to smile, how you try to fit in but you cant, how you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside

so yeah if youve read all these pictures ive posted youll realise im going through a pretty shit time at the moment. ive always found it hard to deal with exams but now coz its my last lot the pressures really on  and i feel so ill from it. on top of that the few friends i used to hang out with have left me. one of best friends just dropped me like that. boys hate me right now.

when i was finding pictures for this post i realised that most of the pictures were in black and white and thats what depression feels like. just emptiness. you forget what its like to be happy and when you do remind yourself of when you used to be happy you just cry because youre so different from that girl. last night i was with some girls and i was laughing and i couldnt remember the last time id really laughed. it was wierd being with people. im all alone everyday all day.

im just writing this and crying. i wish there was something i could take to numb the pain but i have exams i cant indulge like that. i just dont have the time. and fuck antidepressants they just make me worse. im just going au natural.

its hard when everything falls apart at once. both my social life and my school life is horrible. you know what i was remembering the other day.. last summer when i was with this boy and he just made me feel so carefree and whole and safe. i havent felt that in a long long time. i miss people giving a shit about me. i just want something to start going right. anything. but im gonna get my hopes up coz its got worse even when i thought it couldnt.