so he went crazy at 19 so he lost all his self esteem and couldnt understand why he was crying.... he would stare at empty chairs and think of the ghosts that once sat there the ghosts that broke his heart

you know what i feel like im coping now. before i felt out of my depth, like i couldnt deal with all the things that are happening but im feeling more calm. whatever will be will be. yes lifes shit at the moment but i just need to get on with it and find more and more pictures. ahh my life is weheartit and internet shopping at the moment. thats getting me through. and i have an exam on tuesday but we're not talking about that. ahh but i feel good.. well in the limited way a depressed person can feel good but still its a start. 

i know what its like to wanna die, how it hurts to smile, how you try to fit in but you cant, how you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside

so yeah if youve read all these pictures ive posted youll realise im going through a pretty shit time at the moment. ive always found it hard to deal with exams but now coz its my last lot the pressures really on  and i feel so ill from it. on top of that the few friends i used to hang out with have left me. one of best friends just dropped me like that. boys hate me right now.

when i was finding pictures for this post i realised that most of the pictures were in black and white and thats what depression feels like. just emptiness. you forget what its like to be happy and when you do remind yourself of when you used to be happy you just cry because youre so different from that girl. last night i was with some girls and i was laughing and i couldnt remember the last time id really laughed. it was wierd being with people. im all alone everyday all day.

im just writing this and crying. i wish there was something i could take to numb the pain but i have exams i cant indulge like that. i just dont have the time. and fuck antidepressants they just make me worse. im just going au natural.

its hard when everything falls apart at once. both my social life and my school life is horrible. you know what i was remembering the other day.. last summer when i was with this boy and he just made me feel so carefree and whole and safe. i havent felt that in a long long time. i miss people giving a shit about me. i just want something to start going right. anything. but im gonna get my hopes up coz its got worse even when i thought it couldnt. 

give me more than i could dream.. i still can't believe that you're right next to me after all that i've done i don't deserve you're love but you give it to me anyway

so i miss skins cue the overload of skins pics. and im craving a cig so of course theyre basically all smoking pics. i was reading my last post and its so funny coz i was talking about the guy who i was pissed off with for not being interested in me anymore, well now im not that interested. im just fed up of the boys round here. id rather smoke.

feels like raindrops on my skin you reach me somewhere deep within you make my body come alive

ahh i just wanna dance right now. listening to raindrops on repeat, what an immense song. but then i realise i have no one to dance. im just going through such a bad time atm. haha i was literally just about to go on this rant about this boy ignoring my messaged but he just messaged me back. see this is the thing everytime i try hate him he does something sweet. but its not the same. we used to be really close for a good few months and then we had sex and he just suddenly lost interest. he never really messages me unless i initiate the conversation. uchh i fucking hate these manchester boys. theyre so immature and stupid. cant wait to leave. oh yeah and im pretty much addicted to cigs again.

MY LIFE IS SHIT!!!!!!